Prepared?

If one more person tells me or insinuates I should in some way find comfort in that I knew Dallas’s time was limited, I will seriously lose it. Yes, she was sent home with hospice, but she was supposed to start to feel bad with plenty of warning just like the 3 times before, come home to her own room, let me lay with her and hold her, say everything we now have left unsaid, and I would hold her as she went to Heaven. So no, I don’t find any comfort in having some type of warning of what was to be. Do people say these things to those who pass away from long illnesses? That they should be prepared since they knew ahead of time. After she came home with hospice, I thought I was preparing myself. She and I had difficult conversations, ones a mom shouldn’t have to have with her teenage child. Funeral songs, flowers, colors, me doing her hair, makeup, and nails, me writing and reading the eulogy. So many promises made and kept. None of this had me prepared for her death.

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