I’m not sure what others mean by tough love. But to me it was letting Dallas suffer the consequences of her choices. It was my hope that the consequences would propel her towards recovery.
I have seen some people say they are happy with themselves that they didn’t do tough love and I don’t understand that. I loved my daughter, too. Very much. If I had to do it all over again – I would do it differently.
I still wouldn’t support her.
I still wouldn’t give her a home when she was actively using.
I still wouldn’t bail her out of jail.
I would listen more, laugh more and talk more.
I would hug her more.
I would understand that it is not a battle I can fight for her.
I would pray more.
Whether I was a good mother or fell far short of that goal, whether I used tough love or enabled or a combination of everything in-between I wanted what every mother of an addict wanted. I wanted my daughter happy, healthy and free drug addiction, alive, raising her daughter, going to college, and following her dreams.
If anything, mothers are all suffering because our loved ones lost the battle with drugs – and moms were all in there fighting with them. Whether they died in our homes or on the street – we lost the battle, too.
But I urge everyone to really consider if they want to be judged – because we all had the same desire for our children and I believe we all did our very best – even when we fell short.
I borrowed a lot of this post from a post on FB, by a dear friend. I am no where near forgiving myself, but I know in my mind I tried everything possible to save my daughter, and I fell short. We, as Moms, are supposed to protect our children and there is no worse feeling than to feel like you’ve failed her.