When other people close to me have passed away, a song or maybe a familiar scent has taken me back to a memory with me. Those people didn’t live with me though. The triggers for Dallas and me are everywhere or so it seems.
The grocery store….I never imagined going to the store would leave me with tears running down my face. Passing all the things on every aisle that I would normally buy for her. No, she hadn’t lived with me full time in quite a while, but when she was there; I knew exactly what to have for her. Lasagna and spaghetti with stinky-feet cheese 🙂 were her favorites. I don’t think I will ever eat lasagna again.
Music….even though as she got older, she didn’t listen to country; I have lots of memories of songs she did like. Songs that she would associate with her first love and another with Madelyn’s dad. Any of Miranda Lambert’s songs, especially because her concert was one of our last outings together when she came home with hospice. Merle Haggard song’s. She came with her boyfriend and me to that concert just to get out of the house. Houston and I both loved Merle. Exciting concert with old people. Rap music that she and my ex-husband, Tim, both liked. Dance music from 2010+ especially songs used in cheerleading.
School (work for me) and pep rallies…..I see so many young girls that remind me of her. I remember getting outfits together for spirit week each year. I even have a girl named Dallas in one of the classes I go into. I had to leave the last pep rally, because when the cheerleaders performed; it was like flashbacks from when I coached her in middle school. The excitement and nervousness of them came rushing back and the tears flowed. She made a sign one time when the teachers performed saying I Love You, Mom. She held it up in the stands like my own fan club.
There are so many other things that make me think of my baby girl. Looking into my granddaughter’s face, seeing dragonflies in the backyard, using her owl blanket when Madelyn gets cold, sunflowers on the side of the road.
I don’t think these things will make me cry forever, but who knows. Certain songs still make me think of my Daddy, my Grandma, and Tim. Music is a strong reminder.