September 15th and 16th

The call from the surgeon late that night was just a bunch of things I already knew.  The infection was back, the fever wasn’t being able to be controlled, the C-diff was making matters worse, 3-4 antibiotics need time to work, can’t operate on an infected body, how could she survive a third operation in less than a year.  Most devastating to hear again: prepare yourself for the worse; your daughter is very, very sick.  The newest issue was her lungs.  The tri-cuspid valve being involved meant the infection was sprayed into her lungs every time her heart pumped.  The first sickness involved abbesses all in her lungs, even the possibility of collapsing her lung.

Her breathing was so labored.  I was able to stay with her at all times at this hospital’s ICU, unlike Tupelo with only visitation times.  Staying was more heartbreaking.  Her breathing getting worse meant a ventilator was in the future.

Later that night, her temperature topped at 105.  She was in and out, but unable to breathe at all.  The hematologist seemed to think now the platelets weren’t caused by the infected valves, but an allergy to heparin, a blood thinner.  Strange since she had been getting heparin shots for a while.  They changed her blood thinner.  Bad news from the scan.  Both lungs were full of infectious embolisms.  Huge danger of any of the vegetation breaking off and traveling to her brain.

At this point, I was beginning to lose faith that God would save her a third time.  He had performed miracles on her twice, but she kept pushing her limits.  I didn’t know what to pray for: strength, understanding, healing, peace, no more pain for her?  I wanted to believe there was some big plans for Dallas and me, but I remember thinking it wasn’t going to work out that way.

Going back through these memories is very hard, but I know I need to.  I want to.  I want to document this for Madelyn and for me.



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