I haven’t written in a while, and sometimes I wonder who I am writing to myself, Madelyn, my family?
I’ve had a hard week. No idea why, but when people say these feelings come in waves, that is so true. I can be having an okay day (I wouldn’t describe any as good) and then out of no where I’m wanting to scream and cry. Do I do it? Of course not, because I’ve gotten so good the last few years of keeping a mask on all the time.
Madelyn has been sick the last few nights and for some reason it makes me flash back to the times Dallas was sick as a little girl. For the most part, my baby was healthy. But she had strep over and over as a young child. She would go from running and playing to almost lethargic in a matter of hours. Eventually, she would ask them for a shot, because she knew it made her feel better so much quicker than the awful tasting antibiotics. They were shocked seeing a 5 and 6 year old asking.
Madelyn is doing fine now. Well, except for still having a runny nose and cough. She takes 2 allergy medicines and still sick. Her ears are better after the surgery.
I think another reason for my memories rushing back is making so many important decisions about Madelyn’s speech services. I talk to Dallas often (I know she can’t hear me) just to tell her I hope she thinks I’m making the right decisions for her baby girl.
I know I need to get back to journaling more, because it does help clear my thoughts. I’ll be back soon.